An Army Reserves soldier suspected of stabbing a stranger to death outside the city's main post office before killing himself claimed in a suicide note that he acted in self-defense.
Sir'mone McCaulla, 28, posted the rambling, self-pitying note on his MySpace page and e-mailed it to his mother before he took his own life in the tub of his ex-girlfriend's Philadelphia apartment.

"Not gonna lie didn't mean to kill him just wanted to stop the threat," wrote McCaulla.

He said Christopher Gutierrez instigated the fight after they knocked into each other outside the James A. Farley Post Office on Eighth Ave.

Here is the full text of his email:

I’m just going to vent to corrections to spell checks no nothing just gonna type first off I just wanna say sorry to my daughter that’s heart and my love forever and I will be watching over you next to my mother and sister babygirl please take care of my baby for me I tried my best to be the best father I can be but it still seemed to go wrong I couldn’t even win at losing it seem to the rest of my friends and family please don’t have this change your out look on me its just breaking me up that they making me seem like a monster which I’m far from I never was charged with anything dispite that the making it seem like I got out and started to turn to crime yes I was never arrested for burglary or robbery but the meaning the media and police needs to paint a picture that I was a serious criminal when I was in the process to be a corrections officer for the city of new york but they will not not that some is wondering why my mind state was the way it was but I gotten jumped by several white guys when I was a teen but I don’t think the media or police is gonna bring that up also as almost got stabbed to death meeting a friend after school on 59th st but that wont be mention nether because the need to make the public feel safe I was robbed at gun point blocks away from my house down the block from the police station and while coming home from a job interview I was on 51st st sitting on the steps waiting for the train reading a book when I was randomly attacked and the police at first tried to arrest me cause they couldn’t believe that I was reading a book when it happen cause I guess I don’t look like the reading type but then someone brought some of my things and the book that they swore I wasn’t reading to the police station down the block so my mind state is when someone is tryin to hurt me I get defensive now sortta like its them or me I had lucky breaks b4 with death and attacks no one is pushing the issue that he came back towards me and took off his jacket and put his hands up but the paper and his family sayin this man was a saint he provoked me I wasn’t gonna keep walking when this man is taken his stuff off I know the people that are not in my shoes say I’m a fool for not walking off but I could of walked but the story could of played out different where man walked off after bump but was attacked or killed etc etc I just got off the bus from new jersey didn’t have a worry was just tryin to make it home to see my daughter walking south on 8th me and this man bumped into each on the sidewalk not the steps or any other place they tried to claim it was it happen on the sidewalk I turned around cause we bumped into each other he started talking like watch where you goin and we could fight I’m standing there cause I’m not gonna turn my back on him and hes already talking in a volence tone of voice and took off his jacket that’s when my I started to get defensive I told the man keep it moving no problems but if u leap I’m gonna f*** you up not gonna lie didn’t mean to kill him just wanted to stop the threat you don’t come back towards a person u just bumped talking and taken your stuff off putting your hands up but nuff of him starting to think it’s a waste of time to express myself any more I just hope the police release the footage so the people can see what really happen bout now after this yall will have a reason to say I had some problems cause this is the way I’m goin out rather go out in the hands of myself than another man sad to say but that’s how I feel if its hard for me for me to find work out of the army its gonna be 10 times harder if I come out as a felon I hope this shows that the system is not built to fix a person to those that supported me I lived my life now it time for me to go Love Sir’mone

Ps Sweetie I Love You Live For Daddy Cause I Can See Now Your Stronger Than you ever I ever would be

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