WHAT KIND OF SH!T IS THIS? A CHINESE MAN TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF BY STICKING A CUCUMBER UP HIS BUTT!

A Hong Kong man was rushed to the emergency room with a cucumber lodged in his anus told doctors it was a botched suicide attempt.
The Homies over at Tabloid Prodigy Chin Wei, 62, said it was a technique used in the Japanese suicide ritual called hara-kiri–a suicide tradition that typically involves a sword plunged into the stomach.

His daughter found him in a pool of blood and took him to the hospital. Doctors say he suffered a severe tear in his rear, but it is not life threatening.