TIGER WOODS BIG FAT FAIL! SAY'S HE LED DOUBLE LIVES! NO SH!T SHERLOCK!

BOSTON - Tiger Woods gave us a couple more trailers Sunday, like movie trailers, as if this comeback version of himself, this good-guy, feel-bad version of himself, is starring in a movie and not the Masters at Augusta in April. Last month he gave us a 13-minute statement in front of friends, collar outside his shirt and heart on his sleeve. Sunday he gave ESPN five minutes and The Golf Channel the same. After everything, people are still letting him make the rules, even though last month he told us he thought the rules didn't apply to him. Fat chance.

Really, what we got Sunday from Woods was more scripted soul-searching. This is how sports agents and crisis managers imagine speaking from the heart, but only in the abstract. It is somewhat the same way when they imagine sincerity. They think we're all as easy as the other women in Woods' (former) life.

"I'm being back to my old roots," he said at one point on ESPN.

"I was living a life of a lie," he said at another point, and at that point became the old boxing promoter Bob Arum, who once said that Sunday he was lying but today he was telling the truth.

Woods told us again Sunday that he had 45 days of in-patient therapy. He is big on telling you about that, giving you the number on both networks. But the reason for the therapy is private. Well, it either is private or it isn't.

And now we find out that some of his problems with women, recorded by at least one of them with text messages that make the movie "American Pie" look sophisticated and high-minded, were that he got away from religion.

"I got away from Buddhism," he told Tom Rinaldi of ESPN, at the hour for the interview that Woods and his handlers designated last night, 7:30. "I quit meditating."

He said the same to Kelly Tilghman of The Golf Channel. "Going against your core values, losing sight of it," Woods said. "I quit meditating, I quit being a Buddhist, and my life changed upside down. I felt entitled, which I had never felt before. Consequently, I hurt so many people by my own reckless attitude and behavior."

When either Rinaldi or Tilghman wanted to know about what happened on Thanksgiving night, when Woods attempted to drive his SUV out of his own driveway and began driving his own brand into a ditch, Woods said it was "all" in the police report. When he was pressed on that, because what really happened that night wasn't anywhere near a police report, he said that was between him and his wife, Elin.

When Tom Rinaldi asked him the best question of the night - "Why did you get married?" - Woods responded by saying that it was because he loved Elin so much.

"I did that to someone I loved that much," Woods said.

Before Woods' statement in February, his handlers at IMG tried to get him to sit down with Oprah Winfrey and Woods reportedly declined. So he reads his statement in front of the blue drapes that day and in front of his mother and some friends, and a month later, he decides to continue the buildup to his return to golf with ESPN and with The Golf Channel.

Both Rinaldi and Tilghman did as good as you can in the five minutes that Woods allowed them. Why could he tell them how long and when they could air it? Because the new Tiger Woods has at least some of the arrogance of the old one, despite the Buddhist bracelet he showed off to Ms. Tilghman.

"You strip away the denial, the rationalization and you come to the truth and the truth is very painful at times and to stare at yourself and look at the person you've become ... you become disgusted," Woods said to Tilghman and it was pretty much the same with Rinaldi.

Make up your mind about how much he has learned in therapy, how sincere you think he is with all this. Woods says the lessons he's learned in therapy can help others, but again, doesn't say what the therapy is for. Some of this was like Jason Giambi of the Yankees, apologizing to the Yankees and the world, but never answering this question: For what?

"I saw a person I never thought I would become," he said to Rinaldi and said, "I've done some pretty bad things" and then to Tilghman he called his behavior "disgusting."

There were actually times last night - and times watching him read his statement in February - when you found yourself missing the old Tiger Woods. Not the one who was apparently chasing every tight sweater and tight jeans across every VIP lounge in the land, the one who allegedly sent the skeevy text messages to the porn star. Just the take-no-prisoners sports champion who only let you know what he wanted you to know, other than driver, 5-iron, 20-footer for birdie. Then driver, 3-iron, 40-footer for eagle. Like that. Woods has a right to do this any way he wants to, by the way. He has a right to believe that if he starts winning again, people will be a lot more willing to forgive, even if they're never going to forget the past four months. You just wish he had found a better way than listening to guys like Mark Steinberg of IMG and Ari Fleischer of the Bush administration. More than ever last night, you wanted Tiger Woods to tell his story walking:

To the first tee.