Fantasia Barrino is finally speaking out about the attempted suicide that recently landed her in the hospital after swallowing a bottle of aspirin and sleeping pills.
"I didn't have any fight in me. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted out," the season 3 "American Idol" winner tells VH1 in a new "Behind the Music" interview, according to People.com. "At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that [expletive]."
"I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle," she adds. "I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can't accidentally take a whole bottle of pills."
The singer, 26, was rushed to Carolinas Medical Center-Pineville in Charlotte, N.C. on Aug. 9 after she was found slumped in a closet at home.
Barrino's manager, Brian Dickens, remembers finding the singer lying on the floor in her room.
"Her emotions were extremely low," he says. "She'd been crying all day. Fantasia was just numb. [She] texted me, saying 'I love you.' I wrote back, 'I love you more.' Then it hit me."
"I wrote, 'You better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid,'" Dickens recalls. "And I left it at that. About 10 minutes later, Fantasia texted me back, and she said, 'Already did.' I went into Fantasia's room and saw her on the floor, and my heart just dropped."
The shocking suicide attempt came in the wake of reports that Barrino had a nearly one-year affair with a married man and broke up his marriage. Sordid details of the affair -- including allegations that the pair had filmed several sex tapes -- emerged when the wife of the singer's paramour, Antwaun Cook, filed for divorce early this month.
In the "Behind the Music" interview, Barrino explains that the drama she was dealing with led to her decision to end her life
"I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] – I was tired," says the singer, who has a 9-year-old daughter named Zion. "My head was hurting me. I was over it."
Barrino says Cook, whom she met in 2009 at a T-Mobile store where he worked, had told her he was no longer with his wife, Paula.
"When I met him, he was separated ... wasn't living in his home. He didn't want to be back with his wife – that is what I was told," Barrino explains. "I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], 'It didn't work, I'm still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.'"
While in the hospital, the singer came to terms with having to face her harsh reality.
"My nurse Melanie was a blessing into my life because she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear," she says. "She told me what I needed to hear. And she looked at me and said, 'You gotta get up, and you've gotta get out of here, 'cause you haven't fulfilled your destiny.'"
"I realized how people end up in the grave," she adds. "Because that one moment [snaps her fingers] of just breaking or feeling like I can't, I can't go on, it's too heavy. That was somewhere I don't ever want to go again."
The singer's "Behind the Music" interview airs 9 p.m. ET/PT on Aug. 24, the same day her new album, "Back to Me," is released.